24/03/2025.
It’s day one and I don’t know what to write. People often give tips like, If you want to be a good writer, just write. If you want to do something, just do it. As if actions can be carried out without involving the mind.
For me, my brain spirals like the earth, only faster. It’s midday as I write this and I’ve been in my head scouting for a thought to build on. I did this while reading a book because my brain can’t just stay focused on a task. Ahan!
Is this becoming an entry about my brain?
Another thought I had was related to how repetitive my days are- wake up, do my devotion, do chores, read fiction, sleep, try to be productive, have night calls with my partner, and battle with insomnia. Rinse and repeat. And so when I was asked “What do you do for fun?”, it dawned on me that to the outside eye, my life is boring. I’m a homebody so I don’t really see it as boring. I also realised that I have the most fun when school is still in session and I get to be around my friends.
I’ve been reading though. Dream Count has had me feeling emotions that aren’t even mine. I wonder, “How do writers do it?” Why am I feeling insecure and questioning my self-esteem because of Chia’s relationship with Darnell? Why am I refusing to believe that Kwame just up and left Zikora? Like her, I’m desperately wishing he’d show up with an explanation because there has to be one. I am in utter disbelief. Why is Chimamanda making me feel emotions that aren’t mine?
That’s the kind of writer I want to be. Even if it’s a one-time experience, I’d like to write something that’ll make people care about what they usually wouldn’t care about. I want to make people feel things and ask, “Why do I feel like a character in this story?”
It’s amazing.
You literally wrote about yearning to write….your ability to do that is simply outstanding