I met a girl who told me I looked lost
On random encounters
I don’t know if my eyes communicated that I felt lost inside. Or did I do that thing I do with my eyes where I go nonverbal and just stare at a person when I don’t know how to answer their question? I do know that I sometimes zone out while staring at a spot for long.
As I walked trying to locate the entrance of the line of stores I usually shop at in the market, a lady stopped me. She looked older than me, maybe in her early twenties. She had a couple of fliers in her hand. The lady began to tell me about this entrepreneurship programme. In my lifetime, I’ve been handed many of those types of fliers and I’ve never attended one.
She asked if my monthly income was enough to meet my basic needs and I said yes. I said yes because I do receive monetary allowance as God wills, but I don’t work. Am I comfortable here? Of course not, I feel like a burden. But honestly, I just wanted to get it over with. Getting stopped by a stranger for questioning was not on my to-do list for the day. Then she asked if I had a project or business plan that I’ve always wanted to execute and I said no to that. She was surprised and looked at me like I was a fool. No one has ever looked at me like that. The lady went on to say that as a student you should even have something going on for you before school. As she looked at me, I stared back blankly because I didn’t leave my house armed with comebacks for situations that would remind me of how short I fall in this ambitious economy. Why did I even say no to her question? I was at the market to get stuff for a “business plan” I had in mind. Maybe I thought it wasn’t ambitious enough.
We talked some more and as we concluded the conversation, she looked at me and said “You look lost.” Was it the blank stare or did she see through me?
I do feel lost every day. I’ve always felt alienated, but it was always restricted to places like friendship groups, church, school, etc. For the first time, I felt like I didn’t belong in this world. I don’t think I’m cut out for it, I don’t know if I’ll survive. It’s depressing.
Am I ambitious enough? Is my skin thick enough? Does my mind dream big enough?
For your listening pleasure
Do you remember the podcast I mentioned in my previous entries? I published an episode today and talked about how hitting 400 subscribes made me feel. Please do listen if you’re interested.
Thank you for 400 subs.
I understand the thing of not being interested in starting a business or anything like that (cos I'm not) even if it seems like everyone has something going on by the side.
not starting a business doesn't mean one is stupid. you and I just want different things. I don't think it's ever that serious.
starting a business is a significant and if you're not passionate about it or in dire need of the possible profit, you don't have to.
that's what I think.
everyone is starting a business these days, and I get why.
but again, people want different things out of life and not everyone will make decisions based on what the masses are pursuing instead of what THEY what for THEIR lives.